CHRISTMAS BLUES!!!!!

Been way to long once again.With Halloween just passing,its time for the biggest holiday on the christian calander.Allthough i am not a church goin,religion pushing kind of guy,i still see myself as christian.Yes i do believe there was a man on this earth named Jesus Christ.Along with this holiday,comes something we know as the "christmas blues".This can be a very real and serious setback for people of all ages,sexes,and race.My first taste of this was when i was around 10 yrs. old.Christmas morning my younger sisters and myself would be waiting as patiently as possible(probably exagerated with age,lol).Mom just didn't want to get out of bed.As young kids i know that i thought she must really not love us,to not want to be eagerly up to watch us open the gifts we so badly awaited.Being just a kid i had no idea that my mother was suffering from deep depression.Today i understand mom didn't not love us she just didn't love herself and where she was in life.Later as an addolescent i really just partied my christmas and new years away.I did that until my mid 30's.With no kids and not much restrictions or cares in the world gettn drunk and high was how i celebrated christmas and new years for 20 + yrs.The last 5 yrs has been very different.Other peoples wants and needs now come first.I really understand why addicts choose to party the holidays away.Many are alone for the holidays,some by choice,and many are left alone by family and old friends.When friends and family let go of the addict,it seems only fitting to let go of yourself.I remember thinking,how could they let me be alone for the holidays,thinking they were hurting me and not caring anymore.The truth was so far from that though,i forced them to let go,I hurt them 1000 times more then they ever hurt me.All those yrs. they knew not where i was,if i was alive.For that i am sooo sorry.So to anyone having a hard time this holiday call a friend,ask for help,and stay positive!!!Happy Holidays