Hi, gary here, how are things in your life. If life is smooth consider yourself very lucky. Staying away from all things that are negative to our well being can be boring, stressful, physically painful,a and downright dreadful. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember, it gets BETTER, if we try to do something about it. You will see that little things in life will happen, and you will wonder why, how, I can't believe it. Well good things happen to us, when we try to better ourselves. It happens many different ways too. I remember early in my recovery, some weird things happening. By weird at that time it meant positive things happening. All I could figure out was that it was happening because I was trying to be a better person, in my house, to my community, as a partner, a brother, an uncle, etc. It all seemed to weird. I always was a taker. When I started giving, the goodness of others really touched me. I just know that it was a sign to continue on this passage. Now im not the most god fearing person, but, that message did com from somewhere.
Guilt has really cost me so much heartache so far in my life. I used guilt as a means to justify my addictions for sooo long.. I still harbor much guilt in my life. There is definite work to be done on that front. Its painful to recount all the reasons I have some deeply rooted guilt. I have been burying guilt in the deepest reaches of myself. This is an area I have never really touched apon with ANYONE. I missed my fathers death, I might have been able to see him one last time although unconscious , still alive. As usual My fathers passing was a time to self medicate with all I could. I knew the end was very near. Yet I was still selfish, stupid but seriously addicted at the time. Dad I am so sorry, I love and miss you so much. I showed you no respect when needed. For this, I will be haunted. I am sorry.
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